(I corrected several path problems on August 29, August 30, and September 1, including these selections: Which Version?, Christmas, Images, Body of Christ Discovered, Hymn Midis, KJV Bible, and Spiritual Warfare. Sorry for any problems; please let know if you find others. - Gary)

Confessions of an Overachiever

Matthew 22:37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. 38 This is the first and great commandment.

I never really knew why, but when I was a child, and long after I grew up, the most important thing in my life was to be the best at something. It couldn't be sports, because with my eyesight and lack of coordination, that just wasn't a possibility. Schoolwork, though, was another matter. It took a lot of hard work, but I could excel there. I discovered that getting good grades not only won me approval from my teachers, and respect from my classmates, but approval from my parents as well. My mother's love was never in any doubt, but Daddy always had a stern and forbidding aspect about him. I was afraid of him, but at the same time I wanted to try to do something to please him, to make him proud of me. More than that, though I didn't realize it then, I hoped to do something to make him love me.

I don't recall ever hearing the words "I love you" from my father, or ever experiencing any visible signs of affection from him. I knew, though, that he was proud of me, and that was better than nothing. With the passing of years, I realize that, in spite of his bondage to alcohol, he did love me, and all of us, but didn't know how to express it. His own home, growing up, was probably the same as ours

When I moved away from home, and established a relationship with God, my focus shifted to trying to please my heavenly Father. If you asked me, I would have told you, beyond any doubt, that God's love is unconditional. My theology was good, and I knew all the right answers. What I knew in my head, and believed in my heart, though, were two different things. As many of you know, I spent most of my adult life obsessed with the idea of founding my own ministry - not God's, mind you, but mine. In my heart of hearts, I believed that by doing some grand thing I could somehow earn God's love, or at least cause him to love me more. Fortunately for me, God was never in it, and all my efforts failed. This very newsletter started as a result of one of those efforts, and God blessed it in spite of me. Every book I wrote, every song I composed, had at its root the idea that God must surely be pleased - and love me more - because of what I had done. It's entirely possible to do things in God's service, even with his blessing, for all the wrong reasons.

1 Corinthians 13:1: Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal.

2 And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.

3 And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

I was putting the proverbial cart before the horse. Just as works come out of salvation, not salvation out of works, so service comes out of love, not love out of service. The very sad thing is that it took 55 years of my life for me to realize this; the Holy Spirit revealed it to me in a flash of revelation during a prayer time I had in the week of our last revival at church. For the first time in my life that I can recall, I am at peace. I no longer live with a constant undercurrent of restlessness, frustration, and depression. All I have to do to please God is to love him; every thing else comes after. I don't need to win his approval by performance, or anyone else's either.

Maybe some of my experience will help you as well. Many of us came out of the same kind of background, and have the same types of problems.

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Copyright 2008 by Gary W. Cavendish. This article may be freely used so long as due credit is given. For more articles, see the author's website at www.onlinechristianstores.biz. Gary is the author of 4 books, all Christian fiction, and numerous articles. He is a retired Federal employee, grandfather, and webmaster. He is available to write articles for a fee. Contact him at admin@onlinechristianstores.biz.

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